OK, so why not write a blog about my continued adventures trying to have my first relationship at age 31? Clearly, no reason to NOT do so. So here I am, in all glorious 2012 over-sharing glory. Joe really is my name, although I won't be using anyone else's real name. Given that sooner or later people I know are bound to find this (or even be told about it by me), I'm curious to see just how personal I'm willing to get here. Well, might as well act first and ask questions later. Yeah, that's the ticket...
So why haven't I had a girlfriend at 31? I wish I knew. It's a question I ask myself or, in irrational moments of relapse into ingrained Catholic upbringing, "God", every single day. I've always had good friendships. I'm funny, I'm smart, I've been called a good conversationalist. In recent years I've been told by male friends that I "have balls" so although I'm often put in the emasculating "friend" category, it's not because I'm any sort of pushover. Believe me, far from it. I've gotten a lot better about maintaining a good physical appearance than I did when I was younger. Those days seem so far away. If you met me you probably would be shocked that I have this problem.
In the last few months I've been going to the gym a lot, so my already lean frame is a lot more fit and athletic, and although the belly that popped into place in my early 20s (let's call them the "post-straight-edge years") is unfortunately still there, the worst is over and I'm making good progress at getting rid of it. I've also started taking salsa dancing lessons, and am having a lot of fun learning and going out practicing - I'll tell you about it.
So why can't I find someone? I don't know. I'm definitely not looking for just anyone - it would have to be someone I'm attracted to and feel chemistry with. The reality though is that I have a hard time even finding available girls I like to go on dates with. I've tried online dating and get no responses (what is it?). I go out to bars and nothing much comes of it. The possibilities at work have gone from limited to basically zero. The last two girls I went out with were from speed dating, both of whom I liked, and one of whom I liked quite a lot. When I went out with her I thought I might finally have something, when we spent most of our first real date making out like crazy... but I ended up getting "let's be friends" very early on in both cases (two dates each).
Just in case you're wondering, I'm not a virgin, and haven't been since I was 21 (yes, 21). I've had some great sexual experiences and definitely some shall we say "not so great" ones as well. But have I had anywhere near the level of sexual experience that I should have at this point in my life (let alone what I would really want)? Definitely NOT, especially not in the last few years.
So, I'm left daily with a lot of confusion and unfulfilled passions. I want the opportunity to be romantic with the right girl, and to be lustful and drive her out of her mind with pleasure. And just to spend time with her and have fun, and be intimate and share things. I'm a man, a man of burning passion, and I want the opportunity to really feel like one. I hope you'll enjoy taking this journey with me because I've got all the momentum at my back and it's clear: This Is Gonna Be The Year.
